


Good God! (I Know What I've Done)

by anna16



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Break Up, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Lovers to Friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:08:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23942092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anna16/pseuds/anna16
Summary: Calum is very aware of the fact that his relationship was going nowhere so he planned to fix that.  It's just that sometimes there isn't a huge war to fight or a storm to brave.  Sometimes you just have to move on and if you're lucky no one has to hide the residual love in their hearts.





	Good God! (I Know What I've Done)

**Author's Note:**

> Well, would you look at that, my fourth posted story. A few changes though: 1. It's lightly edited and 2. It's not a fanfic.  
> What hasn't changed though is that, like most of everything, I've posted here I looped a song for hours and made everything up as I went.  
> I hope you guys like it. Constructive criticism is welcome and don't be mean.
> 
> Inspo song is 'Good God' by Maria Mena

It took a lot of effort for him to climb out of bed and into the shower. It was a long time coming even if neither wanted it to happen. Calum had to be honest with himself, his relationship was not necessarily disintegrating but it also wasn’t growing, at least not in the way a romantic relationship should be going. As weird, cringe-worthy and incestuous as it sounded he was pretty sure he was dating his mother. Okay wait back up, not actually his mother but the way she treated him he almost felt like this was what an older sister or a mother figure would have been like had he grown up with one. 

The broad-shouldered man gently scrubbed at his skin as he thought about what he would say once he picked up Ezra from her spa appointment and drove them to the beach not too far from the town they lived in.

“You can do this C, don’t back out now.”

The tears were prickling at his eyes and any stray tear washed down with the continuous stream of hot water from the rain shower. This was hands down one of the hardest things he had ever had to do. Burying his father and seeing his little brother off to college were close seconds, but both times he knew it was going to happen, came to terms with it and both parties were happy, even in death. This though was unchartered territory. In every relationship, Calum had ever been in he was the one who was told the bad news not the other way around. No girl was patient enough to deal with his plethora of problems and when the inner demons struggled to let loose they ran unable or unwilling to as much as give him comfort from the fears and relived traumas his mind would loop on the bad days.

_“It’s okay to cry baby, it doesn’t make you less of a man. Emotions show you’re human, don’t let anyone bring you down for being human.”_

Oh, but she wasn’t like the others. When they ran she stood and wrapped a strong arm around him. She held his chin and told him straight, there were no sweet nothings but rather words that penetrated his mind more than the intoxicating perfume of any other could. She made him believe he wasn’t unfixable, broken but never unfixable. She was a rock and emotional support and a forever friend. However, closeness didn’t equate to intimacy. She was amazing but she deserved better and so did he. She needed someone who could love her and take care of her as equally as she loved and took care of them. She needed a balance Calum wasn’t able to give, not right then. He needed to take a step back and find himself amidst the rubble that was his childhood, he needed to grow out of the shell he kept himself hunched into. To do this, he needed to let go of the crutch she had become and realized that this is not the ideal relationship.

The tears were falling even after the stream of water long stopped. He vigorously patted at his eyes and downed a glass of water before spinning through his room and getting ready.

“1:45 pm, hmm.”

He needed to be by the spa by 2 if he wanted to make the reservation for the pre-planned lunch date. After a quick look through of himself in the mirror, Calum was out the house and in his car speeding through the quaint town on Edenborough. Things were pretty close there and the count of residents was not the highest making traffic nearly non-existent especially on a Saturday mid-afternoon. It didn’t take a full ten minutes to get from his apartment to the Tranquility Spa parking lot just a little farther centre of the town. 

“Afternoon sir.”

The security guard tipped his hat as Calum passed with a grin and a wave. He walked up to the doors and pushed open into the calming smell of the building. There was the faint scent of skincare products and a tinge of nail polish masked by the jasmine and peppermint wafting through the air. Soft music played through the hidden speakers throughout the space. It wasn’t a mystery why Ezra and so many others enjoyed indulging in the higher end products and services once in a while. Calum greeted the receptionist, she seemed to be new as she proceeded to ask how she could help, that and he didn’t recognize her at all.

“Just waiting on my girlfriend, she should be done with her appointment in a few minutes.”

“You can just wait over there then.”

She pointed out to a conversational waiting area with a total of two others one reading a magazine and the other snoring away. He took a tentative seat and smiled at the girl reading briefly before closing his eyes and starting the loop of what he wanted to say, luckily, or unluckily (that depends on how you perceive it), Ezra emerged from the opposite side of the spa in a flowery summer dress he had bought for her just a few weeks before. The soft tap on his shoulder ceased the downward spiral his mind would have taken with all the overthinking he was doing.

“Hey love, I hope you haven’t been waiting long.”

“No, not at all, you ready to go?”

She smiled sweetly and took his hand as he stood from his previous position. A quick peck on the lips left Calum more uneasy than earlier yet at the same time he felt warmth course through him, she was familiar, she was what love felt like, what love should feel like. Calum felt stupid but he knew she would flick his forehead for the mere thought.

“Why here?”

The two had been driving for a good thirty minutes and knowing how the town was set up there was only one place they could be heading to, Ezra simply decided to break the comfortable silence a mere five minutes into reaching their destination.

“I’m feeling a bit nostalgic today I guess.”

She hummed under her breath and gave his hand a light squeeze were it rested on the gear shift.

Their late lunch was delicious. Calum felt a swell of pride remembering being the one to find the gem that was Suzy’s Seafood Gallery. That pride fell sour, however, when he remembered that was why they were there. This was the place Calum started their relationship and if he was strong enough it would be where he ended it as well.

“I hope you enjoyed the food babe.”

“I always do. This place serves possibly the best seafood pasta I’ve ever had. Plus this is where you asked me to be your girlfriend all those months ago.”

“It’s nearly a year now isn’t it.”

Ezra nodded with a faraway look in her eyes. So far they had kept the conversation light and flowy. No talks about the recent ‘tantrums’ Calum had found himself in, neither did they talk about how Ezra was offered a job so far out of town she would have to take a flight there just for the initial interview if she sent their scout a letter of interest as they nearly begged her to. Sitting down on the pier having the light sea breeze blow over them gave a calm-before-the-storm feeling. Thinking more about it Calum was almost sure that Ezra knew what was up. He felt guilty now taking her to the place they started their ten months of love and hurt just to end it all. He didn’t want to but he knew he had to.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

A bitter laugh escaped his mouth making Ezra’s face contort into confused agitation.

“Sorry-just…” he paused and took both her hand in his, subconsciously filing away the feeling of her slender ones in his larger rougher palms. 

“You know I love you right?”

“Of course I do, and I love you too.”

“Yes well. I was thinking one day and I think that while love is important I don’t think it alone can keep you happy.” A deep breath, “And then I did some reading and introspection and… I think that different relationships require different types of love, sure love is love across the board but I’m not going to ever love my brother in the same way I love my wife and I’m not going to love my child the way I love my friends.”

Ezra’s smile was sad and knowing. She nodded slightly giving Calum enough encouragement to push forward. This would be good for both of them.

“Well, what I really want to say is that I’m sorry. I’m sorry that this is where life has taken us. Please forgive me for not being who I should have been, for not allowing us to be where we thought we’d be.”

Calum was glad that the restaurant wasn’t as crowded as it typically would be on a weekend.

“Oh love, don’t be too sad. This is good.”

“You knew didn’t you?”

“Yes, I did. This was a long time coming but it doesn’t have to end bitterly so I waited until you were ready.”

A tear burst the barrier of his eye but Ezra wiped it away as soon as it came. 

“What about the calm before the storm?”

“There doesn’t need to be a storm between us Calum, lovers can also be friends as much as they can become only friends.”

“You are the only woman who has ever loved me until I felt loved.”

Like earlier at the spa, Ezra held his hand and led him up after standing herself. They abandoned their table to go to the railing just behind it. She wrapped her strong arms around him and looked into his eyes, her own filled to the brim with emotion.

“I will always love you Calum but before you can find someone who can make you feel loved, **you** need to make you feel loved.”

She stretched her body upwards and captured his lips in a kiss he could only describe as feeling like the most satisfying ending of a good book, one where things aren’t as good as a fairytale but still give you a feeling of hope and warmth. She always felt, tasted and smelled of warmth. 

After dropping Ezra at her own home across the town it dawned on him that she didn’t have to stop being the warmth and strength he found comfort in. She would always be there whether it would be physically or digitally. Lying in his bed that night, Calum felt lighter. He curled into his pillows and allowed for all the memories and feelings to flood his mind and body only pausing to check a notification that rang out in the silence of the room.

_“Call me when this painful part ends. I’d love to go out as friends sometime.”_

Leave it to Ezra to send a text asking to go out only hours after breaking up. Calum burst into giggles that sounded more like sobs and slid his phone across the bedside table. For the third time that day he felt the tears escape; only this time he didn’t hold them back. Things would be better soon enough.

**Author's Note:**

> In all honesty this feels choppy and rushed but at the same time I don't wanna not post it. Hopefully as I go along my writing will get better. Until then bare with me, please. Despite all that I hope you liked it.


End file.
